Bonding..

How does it feel to watch your daughter growing up? The little angel that you brought into this world sprouting bit by bit personality traits that mark her individuality...hmm..watching this painful transition at times and at other times one is overwhelmed at ones good luck at having found a friend for life..at times we so want to hold on to lil gestures, words and then feel foolish. Like I use the word 'compotable'that my lil one used till a year ago for 'comfortable'...and ‘tractice’ which is an ongoing fun word nowadays for ‘practice’.

It comes in a package of bitter-sweet memories..rewards...this transition. Most times I just want to stop the hand of the clock to right here, right now and hide her in my warm, safe hug wanting to shield her forever..at other times though I know this life is her very own quest to find, learn, discover..I will but be there as her guide, giving solicited and at times unsolicited advice to her.

But I do know one thing. I will be there for her always. 'Being there' even though at times not physically but whenever she does need me. And God forbid if she stumbles or if her step evers falters my arms will always be there to break her fall...

Tis the season to be Jolly..and kind

You know a few days ago I left a comment on a friends blog where she'd written about the tree cutting for the upcoming Christmas celebrations and the pine scent in the house. I wrote a long comment about how the tree was pretty and the smell must be heavenly but that I dont think it was the right to do killing for a few weeks of splendor..Moreover how I would not like the carcass of a once beautiful being which could have been saved - during all the festivities/the season in my living room.

Then I deleted or rather edited the comment and even though felt guilty feeling fake send the edited one. Because I felt I would not only be hurting her sentiments but a whole lot of other people's too.

But this is exactly how I feel. Even though I wont be celebrating this year due to personal reasons but every year I have a fake one at my place on X'mas and it looks more beautiful than the real one..
Why? Because of it one tree is still standing outside...

put down roots...or uproot

Sometimes we need to walk away from a situation, a person, for very selfish personal reasons - to keep our sanity intact. When one is in an impossible situation then what is the next step we take from there?

For some people winning is everything - doggedly moving on - no matter how steep a climb it be but if I need to get up there then come what may - I will. Sometimes..this succeeds - most times it fails.

But its only this risk taker who in the end savours the fruit of success, is able to put down roots and settle down finally – beating the odds. And why shouldn’t he/she ? Beat the odds of that 10% negligible chance and held on to it – the love/relationship for dear life and ‘won’.

Then there is the escapist who at the first sign of trouble run a mile- keeping/maintaining as much distance possible between them and their ‘trouble’. These are people who have been fighters all their lives. Not the good way, but fighters for the basics of life..their survival. And they tend to see the trouble in a relationship as a shredder of their last remaining sane page of life. They are the ones who hav’nt healed at all or were in the process- not quite there.

And even if in their heart they knew that this indeed was the real deal ‘it’ they just arent equipped enough for the emotional ride and upheavels caused by this love..

In the age of the Instant

We are living in the times of the 'instant' and slowly bit by bit are getting adjusted to the instant mentality. I believe that we have also gotten used to the idea of instant ‘love’. Relationships are not what they used to be because there no more is the persistence, the wait and the longing for love..for the one you truly desire. If I long for you then heck I gotta get that insta gratification this very minute.

In hindi (there I go again :) there’s a casual saying ‘tuh nahi toh koee aur sahi’. Someone else will do just fine if you are not ready for me..I mean imagine! I still cant get over this particular saying and thank God for it, because if I get used to this then it means I am ready to join the instant gang.

On a lighter note if you are truly in love with someone for the very first time what would you like to be for them - their 5 minutes instant maggi noodles..

or cooked -long - and strong - biryani

Me - I would rather be your Biryani anyday..can wait an eternity for you..but dont want to be your instant source of gratification. ( Mmm..mm on second thoughts )

But love you too much and respect myself some to be 'just that' in your life..

Out of bounds relationships..

This is a topic, that my friends I wouldnt even have thought of a few months ago but hey didnt I mention earlier that I was ever evolving :)

Hmmm on a more serious note this is a subject that plagues many a mind and causes ache to many a heart. Why do people fall in love - with the kind of person who is all wrong for them? Why couldnt they just look some more and find the right one?
This can be answered easily enough - love isnt a planned or a calculated move.

Love..simply happens..whack!! when you least expect it.

But then shouldnt a sane person hold back, if the person is all wrong for them? Or should they hold back, actually is more like what I want to ask here. It was a sort of a debate amongst us few friends a few days back.

To which the sane and the cynic one said that if people touch the fire and get burned and yet keep going back to it, then it would seem they are addicted to it and it's not pain to them it's the way their life is supposed to be. And that such people need a different definition of "supposed to be" because needs and wounds and wants dont really cut it here..we all have needs and we're all wounded. Some just need the dose more than others.

I think sometimes..people try and clutch at straws. It gives them an illusion of holding onto something for dear life, the feeling of air when you come up..that they are saved. But in their hearts they too know that its just an illusion, which might or might not last.

There is so much one could say on this topic..write reams but I will try and sum it up with something I wrote a few days back-

So it comes
to a draw
we both are
clutching at - flaws -
in our desperation..

And as for my sane and cynic friend I had a few questions of my own posed like who is gonna give that different definition to them..of what's "supposed to be" for real..true love??

True love is hard to come by if ever and someone who waits eternally is like a piece of white crushed paper flailing in the wind without ever a word (of love) written on it..

The thirst for love (I dont mean physical though it be a beautiful part of it) sometimes in a soul is so great that it eats one up and then to just have never tasted that in life and pass away with a huge emptiness inside one..

Maybe these people are going by one of my fave Quotations

Explore, Dream, Discover..
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-Mark Twain

Though God knows I've trying to implement this quotation in my life now since a long time but chains are wrapped too strong around for escape.

Still to be able to taste that fruit before I die..

Suicide is not the answer

I have sadly been lagging behind with this blog and the updates and today i decided I must do something about it..

I am not a 'writer' Just have the poem blog and this one - used for posting my random thoughts/ rants/ stuff whatever I felt strongly about (sometimes even an Oprah show issue) or something that ticked me off so on and so forth..

But this year I stopped, there just wasnt too much of me to be able to give anything here. I was already spread too thin every which way..So it was just me and my poems - on my other blog, if you could call my random thoughts that.

But today I have made a conscious decision to post here every day. Why? Beats me..or maybe not. Maybe I want to write for you. Yes YOU. again and since its gonna take some time to get back in that particular limbo again I might as well post my everyday interactions with people here. Mostly people I love.

This today then here is about a stand up comedian Greg Giraldo. RIP Greg. A very good friend had written about him some time ago and this line of hers struck a chord

''Sadness hiding behind a smile, a laugh, a joke told can be absolute torture''(Deb)

God knows this is true - as true as true can be..

How ironical is this, I mean comedians are supposed to be happy people or at least in the eyes of the public they are ever happy people with not a care in the world or if there is well then mental peace is just a laugh away. Or is it.

There's Greg who just couldnt be bothered to be in the race that life is, anymore. Because we forget that he is/was just like you and me dealing with his highs and lows of life and as ill-equipped as most of us to deal with it effectively at times..

And if one does not have a good support system then it is very hard to hold on to dreams, hopes, life..

I have felt that once in my life to go that far..and feel it on an everyday basis still..its only meditation and reaching for my inner strength (scraping the remnants more like)which helps me cope on a day to day basis. Sometimes I so wish that I drank or took something stronger or heck at least smoked to be able to cope. These weak moments are rare but there nevertheless..

Hope..one should never lose hope. Its what keeps us alive.

Forget about the ugliness spread around and give love, compassion and a willing ear to people who are going through life's low. Reach out as best as you can and turn a deaf ear to the negativity around you. I am not promoting escapism here but turning your back firmly towards people with negative words, language and thoughts and attitudes..who almost drive you to the brink. If you let them affect you then remember these are not the people who are going to put a Glock in their mouth and pull the trigger - You will..

Dr. Berman says..

Another from Oprah's programme faves, Dr. Berman says that's fantastic news for women and their relationships that "They're letting go of some of the guilt and the shame that they may have grown up with around sex and saying, 'You know what? This is really an important part of my life, and it's something that I don't want to live without,'" she says.

"And when sex is working in a relationship, it's just one small part of the working relationship. But when it's not working, it really can take on a life of its own and really fray the fiber of your connection to one another."

(( So true, its so true. If sex is missing from a relationship it takes on a life of its own, where you can see nothing else except the rejection/ a huge betrayel from your love. ))

As a result, Dr. Berman says a patient ( a case study of the doc) began to resent her husband. "She withdrew from the relationship, and if you're resentful toward someone, you're not going to want to have sex with them," Dr. Berman says.

((Like me and my partner..we arnt into sex at all or rather he is not into it. He uses it as a tool and Boy that tool hasnt worked AT ALL for the past six years hahaa. And even before that well dont ask me..Well I might laugh it off but I totally agree with the doc here that if one is resentful they arnt going to want to have sex with that person. The point is that shouldnt they keep the problems out of the bedroom, and shouldnt they instead try and talk things over rather than let stuff fester for ages and eons..as in my case. I feel I've been way too patient with my partner))

The doc's patient admits that she withheld sex from her hubby as a punishment. "I felt like he wasn't worthy of me having sex with him if he could not do things I needed him to do," she says. "I would give it to him in rations."

(( Well she did give it to him in rations, no such luck here))

Rationing sex, Dr. Berman says, is protecting yourself when you don't completely trust your partner. "When you have sex with someone, you're giving them a gift," Dr. Berman says. "You're sharing something very sacred and powerful with them, and if you're not feeling good about them and good about the relationship, it's really hard to do."

(( I can see the doc's point here that when one has sex with someone - they are giving them a gift. Seems to be in sync with my partners beliefs and attitude except my partner goes a step further and thinks he IS Gods gift hahaa Ok jokes apart it hurts when someone who shares your life and is with you a major part of your life resents you or doesnt trust you. So why is that person still 'togethet with the person they resent and dont really /arnt really sharing their lives with - its another form of revenge I think - holding on tight - so that the other person cant break free and live with dignity far from a life where rejection tick-tocks large every second of the day))

You surely can do better girl..

I Can Do Better

I couldnt give a damn what you say to me

I dont really care what you think of me

Cause either way you're gonna think what you believe

There's nothing you could say that would hurt me
I'm better off without you anyway

I thought it would be hard but I'm ok

I dont need you if youre gonna be that way

Cause with me it's all or nothing
I'm sick of it uhh dont deny

You're a waste of time

I'm sick of it uhh Don't ask why
[Chorus:]I Hate you now

So go away from me

You're gone So

can do betterI can do better

HeyHey youI found myself again

Thats why Goodbye

I can do better I can do better..



And the song goes on thus..descibing a relationship gone all wrong.


The singer here seems to be perfectly content with the state -or lack of it- of the relationship she has right now. You want to say ' way to go girl', yeah show the bugger you mean it and so on and so forth.

Whats the point in a relationship when one party has to slog/ do all the work so it doesnt break?

But thats purely my view. There are books that are being published nowadays and emancipated women are even reading it, hell, Oprah the messiah of the wronged women had it on her show.. whats this world coming to?

There the author tells many ways how a partners small adjustment in ttitude/gestures/thinking/reacting can turn a relationship around. And do you know who's doing all the adjusting here..The woman of course.

Just a slight shift in attitude and - wham you have your man.

Or so the author thinks. I was surprised to find that the author was not of Indian (as in India) origin or a male.

So 'Hazing: Why Are Girls Hurting Girls?' this was another link on Oprah's site, though the article is not relevant to what I am writing about, the title surely seems relevant to my topic. Why do women have to do all the work. And how can a woman suggest this to other women? The author in that article talked about how if a woman adjusted some, and then adjusted some more , she could give her man an ego high and voila their relationship would be hunky dory again. She had to see his negative behaviour in a new light so that it doesnt seem so negative after all. I think she means something like diffusing a photograph so that the facial features soften up and the wrinkles dont really stand out.

But can we forget that the wrinkles are very much there?