Another from Oprah's programme faves, Dr. Berman says that's fantastic news for women and their relationships that "They're letting go of some of the guilt and the shame that they may have grown up with around sex and saying, 'You know what? This is really an important part of my life, and it's something that I don't want to live without,'" she says.
"And when sex is working in a relationship, it's just one small part of the working relationship. But when it's not working, it really can take on a life of its own and really fray the fiber of your connection to one another."
(( So true, its so true. If sex is missing from a relationship it takes on a life of its own, where you can see nothing else except the rejection/ a huge betrayel from your love. ))
As a result, Dr. Berman says a patient ( a case study of the doc) began to resent her husband. "She withdrew from the relationship, and if you're resentful toward someone, you're not going to want to have sex with them," Dr. Berman says.
((Like me and my partner..we arnt into sex at all or rather he is not into it. He uses it as a tool and Boy that tool hasnt worked AT ALL for the past six years hahaa. And even before that well dont ask me..Well I might laugh it off but I totally agree with the doc here that if one is resentful they arnt going to want to have sex with that person. The point is that shouldnt they keep the problems out of the bedroom, and shouldnt they instead try and talk things over rather than let stuff fester for ages and eons..as in my case. I feel I've been way too patient with my partner))
The doc's patient admits that she withheld sex from her hubby as a punishment. "I felt like he wasn't worthy of me having sex with him if he could not do things I needed him to do," she says. "I would give it to him in rations."
(( Well she did give it to him in rations, no such luck here))
Rationing sex, Dr. Berman says, is protecting yourself when you don't completely trust your partner. "When you have sex with someone, you're giving them a gift," Dr. Berman says. "You're sharing something very sacred and powerful with them, and if you're not feeling good about them and good about the relationship, it's really hard to do."
(( I can see the doc's point here that when one has sex with someone - they are giving them a gift. Seems to be in sync with my partners beliefs and attitude except my partner goes a step further and thinks he IS Gods gift hahaa Ok jokes apart it hurts when someone who shares your life and is with you a major part of your life resents you or doesnt trust you. So why is that person still 'togethet with the person they resent and dont really /arnt really sharing their lives with - its another form of revenge I think - holding on tight - so that the other person cant break free and live with dignity far from a life where rejection tick-tocks large every second of the day))